(as displayed on Travis' blog: Hey guys! It's Memoir Monday! Everyone should know what to do, just steal my little button code down there, then paste it onto the Edit HTML section on your post. Type up a memoir, spank yourself a little, and call it a win! The only rule? It must be true. So go on! Get you some!)
Back when I was just ever so stupid, I was working at a convenience store. It was a second job and it gave me ample opportunity to occasionally heist a six pack or 2, or a case… maybe 10. Like I said, I was stupid and thought the manager deserved to be ripped off as he would only pay me sub-minimum wage. Roughly a buck twenty back in 1985.
Well one night the manager forgot to lock the back door. I was informed of this from a different stock boy, and all he wanted for this info was a case of bud… Well, ok and I was off…
We, my friends and I, headed in to start the stocking of the cooler. Well 2 of us, the rest were dubbed runners. We handed the case of bud over to the other stock boy and he headed out. Now we started filling the shelves, we could get it done in 15 minutes so that was our time frame. We must have pumped 25 cases out the back door before we were done stocking.
We were done, and in theory, we had 25 cases of beer and 2 bottles of rum sitting in the refrigerator in my garage.
I walked out to go throw the cardboard away. This is how we normally stole our beer, one case at a time, buried deep in the wagon that was used to drag out the cardboard. We could not liberate bottles though; they would clang together and tell the cashiers what I was doing.
I turn the corner and my world came crashing down. Cops with the rollers going, search light on our runners… stacks of beer, cold beer… ice cold beer sitting on the curb… But I did not see the rum, so we might get away with something, but I needed to get my friends away from the nice police officers.
I walked up, and put the cardboard into the bin. Cops started asking me questions and I copped to all of it. It was my idea, I found the door unlocked. I called these guys to come over and help… All of it.
The officers seemed rather impressed that I would admit to my crime. But see it throws them off a little when you do it; it gives you a little wiggle room. They had only caught us with some not all of it. I still thought we had some stashed away in my garage.
We went into the store, the manager showed up, looked at me and said you’re fired, and I said that’s cool. It was only a part time job; my main gig was working at Disneyland. But I needed to not get charges pressed. So I told him I would return the rest of the beer if he did not press charges.
He said fine, I told the officers that we would go over and get it. The one in charge said that an officer would drive me over. So we went, my friends still sitting on the curb, talking and laughing.
We pulled into the ally behind my abode and stacked up all along my fence was ALL of the beer… All of the cold beer and rum… Was now going back to where I had liberated it from. I had fought the war and lost.
The officers were amazed, as well as the cashiers and the manager in how much we managed to get out. All but one case came back. And they never found out about that one so it was good.
I did get a call from the head office of the store, they asked for a phone interview. Turns out the manager was trying to pin the back door being opened on the asst manager. I liked her and told them the truth, well mostly the truth. I told them I found it unlocked at 2pm, 2 hours before the asst started work. The asst manager became the new manager and it was all good, I had said I was sorry to everyone who worked in the store and they were all good with it. Of course it took them 6 months to let me stock the cooler again… go figure.
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