five... four... three

Count down to black Friday has reached the point of no return. We have no choice it will happen just like it has for years past. On a side note; know why we get the day after Thanksgiving off? I mean to say what holiday we are celebrating? No idea? Neither do I… I had been told that we swapped Veterans Day off for this one but could not locate any proof of said swap…In Buffalo, New York, the Saturday after Thanksgiving is the day of the World's Largest Disco a tribute to disco and the 1970s that regularly draws thousands of dancers and the top performing acts of the 1970s. So going to dance my booty off… Oh Wait No I’m not.

 

But really I come here today to make a few suggestions for making Black Friday a pleasant time for all. Now by tradition I never shop on BF (yes I am truly to lazy to type it out). I did once it was with my wife and no I will never do it again, I saw no benefit that some careful planning a few months early could not avoid. But she likes it, and no longer askes me to go so I am cool with it. Now I may never have shopped in it but I have worked it, cashier, stock, waiter, bartender general lacky labor.

 

So Here is my advice to those that will be shopping:

 

-You have 28 more days to shop, it’s ok if you don’t get everything in one trip. Wait till the 24 of December that’s when the fun begins…


-You are not the only one to be shopping that day, you are no more important than anyone else. That is to say I am most important, if I were to be shopping which I won’t be. But if you see me clear the road and I hope your hungery cause you will be eating my dust…


-Smile and be nice, say please A LOT! Or else the cashier will screw up your credit card/order and leave you in the middle of a parking lot with a scare on your side and a not to go to the nearest hospital…


-To remember it is the season of giving wear big bells and Santa hats. If for no other reason than it will drive your fellow shoppers insane and vulnerable to arrest clearing yet one more obstical out of your way to the perfect shopping score: The singing fish.


-Always ask if you can go in back because we all know that’s where they keep the good stuff whisper fulsh 9000 here I come…


-When eating ion Black Friday besure to… oh who the hell am I kidding no one will eat just shop shop shop…


-Watch your fellow shoppers and if they leave their cart unattended it is open to salvage rights. On Black Friday salvage rights set in after only 5 seconds of the cart being unattended so have at… Just not sure who I am going to give the chocolate covered bacon too…


- If a fellow shopper has picked up the last cell phone measuring tape that your dad has been hinting at just do what I do: Run at them screaming about invisible Jesus fire, and how the weak shall be burned up for great justice… when they leave their cart 5 second rule kicks in and you are golden. If security picks you up you are set for an insanity plea, this is what I call the win-win-win as if you did this I would laugh my ass off…

 

That’s all I have for you today scouts as I look for a little levity in my morning coffee…

 

Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving tips, I know a little backwards but really who cares?

 

 

 

FOR GREAT JUSTICE!